Mindfulness & Grief

When a loved one dies, the grief that we experience can feel overwhelming and unbearable. Grief has an impact on our physical and emotional health, is unpredictable and unique to each person. 
Grief hurts, because it is a reflection of the love we feel for the person who has died. It is a natural response to the deep pain of loss. When we grieve, we need space, care and kindness to allow ourselves to adjust to our loss and the changed world in which we find ourselves. 
In the course of life, when challenges and difficulties arise, we look for strategies to resolve things or armour ourselves, skills and tools to manage or distract from our experience. When the unthinkable happens and someone we love dies, grief appears to side-step this process; It appears to have a life of its own that confounds our usual coping strategies. We can become debilitated, exhausted and at a loss at how to see light at the end of the tunnel. It is natural to brace against the pain of grief. It is natural to want to rid ourselves of the anguish, push away the agitated mind that is endlessly looking for solutions, or numb ourselves against the loss of a future that did not come to be.

“Grief can feel so much like fear” (CS Lewis – A Grief Observed) The terror of facing life without our loved one activates our bodies’ flight- and-fight response, and can make us restless, agitated, hyper-vigilant and fearful. Our sleep, appetite and concentration can be affected. Our fears are that grief will overwhelm us.

We may hear the phrase – Time Heals. Healing means to make whole – not to deny our loss, or our love for the person who has died, or to ‘move on’ without them, ‘get over it’ or ‘get a new life’.   Healing is an ongoing process, a way of life, of giving ourselves time to rebuild our lives with our loved one’s legacy within us, shaping us and moving forwards with us. Our loved ones come to inhabit our lives form the inside out. 

How can mindfulness help with grief?

The truth is our grief needs a different response from us. It needs time, space and caring attention. It needs to be nurtured, named, and attended to. By resisting the pain of grief we intensify and ossify it. Paradoxically, grief needs room to be accommodated and held in a safe haven.

Mindfulness provides that haven. By practising Mindfulness, we give our minds and bodies a break from the relentlessness of grieving. In meditation, we begin to cultivate steadiness within the storm of grief, learning how to surf the waves that we fear will sweep us up.

Mindfulness does not fix us or force us to find a solution. It is a way of being, giving us the breathing space, again and again, to respond and adjust to life without the physical presence of our loved one.

Learning Mindfulness practices of breathing meditation, body awareness, gentle stretching, reflection and enquiry we learn to listen to what we truly need. We grow in confidence again from a self that felt shattered by loss. Mindfulness helps to restore hope in beginning to make sense of life after loss.

Breathing Space  – Mindfulness for Grief with Bereaved Parents

Online sessions provided on Zoom video conferencing

The grief at the death of a child defies language. It strikes at the heart, body, mind and the very core of us. As parents, we have nurtured our child from the moment of their conception, protected them and witnessed their lives and dreams of the future. The grief of a bereaved parents feels unbearable and endless. The mind can feel fragmented with grief, the world taken from under us, and we may fear we will find our feet or safe land again.

Mindfulness provides a refuge.

Gradually we find a way to live that honours our child and their gift to us, and rebuild a life that feels meaningful again.  By responding to our changed lives, with self – compassion, we may make choices that reflect our different perspective, sense of values, strengths and relationships. And, most importantly find, without looking, a deep and enduring connection with our child who has died.

These sessions offer the opportunity to come together to practice gentle mindfulness and meditation. A place to share our loss and place to give ourselves room to breathe. The sessions offer us a break from the demands of life and find a place of calm where we may gently connect with and remember our child.

The death of a child is a fire in the mind. The mind burns with alternatives that never come to pass, with fantasies or remarkable recuperations, with dreams of adult accomplishments. If we let this fire burn compassionately within us the grief of the mind, the fantasies, the burning of the spirit, begins slowly to melt away and the child comes more into our heart.

Stephen Levine

These sessions are currently provided on Zoom video- conferencing and will include short meditation practices, poetry readings and space for reflection. It is advisable to have allowed at least a year to have passed since the death of your child before booking your place.